Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
