How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize