he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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