I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
