I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
