one two three fourrrrnication!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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