i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
