I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
