med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
