careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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