dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
