I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
