I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
