She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
