She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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