Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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