i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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