lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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