32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
