I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
