I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize