dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
