I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
