too bad you live with your parents still
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
