Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
