There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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