Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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