On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
