Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think my moral compass just broke
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
