Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That was before I lit my hair on fire
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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