So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
