She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize