Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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