That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
