im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
