True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
