marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
