She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
