his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think people are normalizing furries
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
