i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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