I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
