Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
