Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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