Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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