explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize