Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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