I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
