Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
