I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
