I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
