I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
