What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
