I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize