At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
