All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
