Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
