she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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