Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
