Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
