he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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