My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
