I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
