you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
