party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
