I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
