NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
