You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
