I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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