I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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